Weirdo

I know you.

You’re trying.

You’re trying really hard.

You’re trying to fit in.

And you don’t.

And still you are trying.

Trying to make the team. Trying to score goals. Trying to figure out how it all works so that maybe, just maybe you’ll be acceptable. Just maybe you’ll be accepted.

But you’re not always acceptable.

You’re not always accepted.

You don’t fit in.

They told you to change. They want you to be you, more or less.

They said be more tough or less sensitive.

But you know something that they don’t. You know that the most sensitive people are also the toughest. You know that sensitive people like you feel more. They contain more. More potential pain and joy. You know that to be a container for all of those feelings requires an inner strength. Being you requires a strength that the less sensitive on this earth couldn’t begin to imagine. Why would they? They hide by being normal. They hide by fitting in, by blending.

The tall nail gets hammered down. They all got the memo. They all understand this. They all fit in.

But you? You’re the tall nail. You’re a square peg. And you also know that it isn’t everyone else who is trying to hammer you down. It’s not everyone else who is trying to jam you into a round hole. You know who is doing this to you. It’s you. And this is very painful for you.

Because

You don’t fit in.

You’ve never fit in. You spent time trying. And it didn’t go so well.

Maybe you’re still trying.

Still trying to make the team

To score the goals

To fill the shoes

To get the promotion

To join the club

To fit the role

To do what you were told.
Oh and they told you so many ways. Some told you explicitly. You were called names like weirdo or worse. They taunted your joy, sneered at your tears. You and your emotions don’t belong here.

Those people? They weren’t comfortable with you discomfort. They made rules like: Emotions have no place at work. They did this not because emotions are inappropriate. They made these rules because emotions are uncomfortable. And those people uncomfortable with your emotions? That speaks more to their inability rather than yours.

Others told you implicitly. They told you with a dismissive shake of a head, with avoidant eyes fixed on their feet. They told you with the invitations you didn’t get. They screamed at you with their silence. “YOU DON’T FIT IN!”
Fit into what?
A car
A job
A role

A life
That someone else sees as valid
Who the hell do you need to please but yourself?

I don’t blame you.

They believed that fitting in was important.

They believed that fitting in was essential.

Fitting in was how they survived.

But people are limited.

They didn’t understand that since you were born on this earth, you belong on this earth. They didn’t understand that it’s not your work to contort yourself to fit in to the world. They missed the point that it’s not your job to conform to some sort of standard. Because the standards are arbitrary anyway.  They seemed to forget that since you were born, the fact that you still live means that there is room for you on this earth as you are. Fitting in? That doesn’t serve you. It serves them.

And whatever quirky fucked up part of you that they find shameful?

It belongs.

You belong.

It’s not your work here to fit in.

It’s your job to go and occupy a space that works for you.

And if its way out on the fringes,

Far from the centre of the flat earth most people choose to live in?

You just end up expanding our understanding of what is possible.

You’ve skinned a lot of different cats in a lot of different ways.

You create a bigger world for all of us.

We want you to be you.

We need you to be you.

The ever expanding universe demands it.

Thank you.

Weirdo.

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